For a while now, I’ve been struggling to wake up every morning without a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach…. like something bad has happened to me and that I’m about to have to deal with it’s fallout. But guess what… nothing bad has happened to me…. well not in the past 5 years. This got me thinking that maybe whilst I’m sleeping I’m actually subconsciously re-hashing past traumatic events. Triggers…so to speak, and when I wake I’m waiting for the past traumatic events fallout….. all over again!
Today… quite a few months later after this first started happening, I’m certain this is why I wake up panicked and fearful. This is a pretty common side effect of having Anxiety and OCD. It isn’t always about worrying that bad things are going to happen in the future that haven’t happened yet but also the fear of reliving over and over again bad things that have happened in the past and that they are still happening, or going to happen again in the future.
I know that I may need further professional help with this but right in that moment when I identified what was going on in my messy mind, I knew It was very important to take action straight away to self-help myself. In the past, whilst undertaking CBT therapy, Mindfulness Meditation had really helped when I had been going through similar episodes. I decided to give the App Headspace a whirl.
I’ve been using Headspace for the past week now. Every time I wake with that dread before I even take my morning ritual trip to the loo, I pop on Headspace and it’s really helped me move on with my day more efficiently. Basically, I’m not spending the morning ruminating about whatever seems to be plaguing my mental health whilst sitting on the throne! Mindfulness Meditation is all about living in the moment… bringing you back from that place of trauma and grounding you in reality. It is also used to relieve all kinds of worry and stress to help calm a busy mind… in exactly the same way. I always cry after….clearly the release I need. Everyone reacts differently afterwards, but that’s just how it effects me.
Today I practised Mindful Meditation and I managed to go through my day more focused in the here and now, but most importantly I was at peace. I highly recommend it! It does take time though, I have previous experience with practising it over the years and I used to not always feel better after, but now I do. It’s like starting anything new…. you really need to give it time to see if it works for you or not.
After having such a healthy mind day, I was very excited that my ex-colleague and very dear friend was visiting me from the big smoke… London! We had planned to meet at mine and then go out for some tasty Italian food! I got ready and that’s when I applied today’s challenge lipstick. Champion is a bright, shiny, moisturising, Lipstick. I picked it up from Topshop for just £1 in the sale.
I love this lipstick. It’s my fav red and that’s for two reasons, 1, the colour, it’s a true red, it has no pink or orange undertones. Straight up…. just red. And 2, it’s so comfortable to wear, probably the most comfortable lipstick I have in my collection to date. Unfortunately, Topshop doesn’t sell this lipstick any more. which is sad news. If you do want to purchase this lipstick I’d advise you to try ebay or Depop. I am now on the hunt for its replacement, as one day it will run out and I might not be able to find it on ebay or Depop and be very lost without it. Yes…. It really is that special to me!
Me and my friend spent a couple of hours catching up whilst eating ravioli. It was lovely. I hadn’t seen her in a while and we had lots to chat about. I do miss her loads. We then returned to my home and drank coffee and chatted some more. When she left it was bitter sweet as I’d been so happy spending time with her but sad because I knew I wouldn’t get to see her again for a few months. Champion needed reapplying a lot, mainly after drinking and eating but it does have a habit of wearing off generally. Reapplying it every hour is a very small price to pay though.
I’d like to dedicate this post to my dear friend and my one and only pen-pal April… aka Avril. Thanks for such a delightful evening and being one of the best listeners I know. I can’t wait for the next time we get to hangout together. Love ya. X